1. Mister Pip — Lloyd Jones
week one — 66.6
I’ve never really been a big fan of Dickens and yet there were moments when I was reading this that I thought that maybe I should revisit and then I quickly came to my senses, usually whilst glancing at my to read pile. I don’t think that I’ll ever get to 95 books in one year — unless I’m retired or bedridden or something — but it’s not for lack of material. I’m sure I acquire nearly 95 books per year, which means I’ve a lot of catching up to do.
It seems like the sort of thing that I would do on purpose: running exactly 66.6 kilometres in a week, but I can only claim coincidence. I had this friend once, lets call him Kevin. (Is it lets or let’s?) He was raising money to go spread his good Christian homophobia at some good Christian (i.e., definitely Protestant, ahem…) commune in Ireland. We were out for coffee, arguing about imaginary friends, and he told me about how a sponsor reneged and he prayed and a new sponsor came out of nowhere and sponsored the exact amount that the reneger reneged. A true miracle, if I ever heard one. I walked home questioning virtually everything that I didn’t believe in and stopped for groceries. Or maybe it was wine. I don’t recall, but I do very clearly recall that it came to $13.34 and I paid with a $20 bill. You do the math. Suffice it to say, I’m not going to hell because there isn’t one.
I was called an asshole. So resolutions are on point. I was out for a run and as happens all too often I was in a crosswalk and the person driving perpendicular to me decided that I’m not really a pedestrian because I’m not walking, obviously. So I punched the luxury SUV as it went by. So, yeah, it was close enough to me that I could punch it. Why waste an opportunity like that? Anyway, the person driving yells out the window, “Asshole!” And then, just to completely confuse me, yells, “Do that again!” Wait, what? Okay. So from now on I’m going to punch every vehicle that tries to make me into its hood ornament while I’m in a crosswalk. And if anyone asks I’ll say because lux SUV driver said to.