Tag: Suicide

2019 week nine

Book Read
9. The Friend – Sigrid Nunez

Kilometres Ran
week nine – 35.4

2019 to Date: 363 KM

The Friend is a first-person narrative of an unnamed woman whose life-long best friend takes his own life and leaves her to deal with the aftermath, including the forced adoption of his Great Dane named Apollo. In between a life adapting to having a large dog in a small apartment with a no-pets policy, the narrator explored aspects of suicide, grief and loss, as well as the life (her friend’s, and hers too but less successfully) of a writer and academic teaching in a higher-ed creative writing program. “Writing in the first person is a known sign of suicide risk,” the narrator says. I didn’t fact-check it. I read many short stories – two collections already this year, and too many on the to-read pile – and I was neck deep in one noticed that every single depressing story was written in first person. I’m probably forever going to think of Sigrid Nunez every time I read anything in first person again. I’m okay with that because I loved this book and I know that I say that often on here but this book really has found its way into my favourite books mental list.

Ready to go!

It was a big weekend with two races and we’d (more coach than me) decided to pick one to run and one to fun. (And yes I wrote “coach” and yes I have been alluding to that for the past couple weeks and no I don’t want to talk about it yet.) After running the Chilly Chase 5K in 20:09 in January I opted to chase a sub 20:00 in the Saturday WestVanRun 5K and then have a fun run for the Sunday 10K. I had a plan and all everything was perfect. This week’s training was great and the weather was perfect. I planned to go out over the first 3K with the 20 minute pacer and then drain the tank over the last two kilometres. The Canadian National Railway had other plans. Or the race director didn’t check what CN’s plans were and adjust accordingly. My splits were perfect – 1K 3:54; 2K 3:59; 3K 4:01 – I was feeling great and I let loose down Bellevue Ave then a right turn over the railway tracks then another right and less than a mile down Argyle and the West Van Seawall to the finish line. Except before that last bit we had to wait for a train to cross.

Key words: Moving Time. Photo by Debra Kato.

I paused my watch and restarted but it didn’t really matter. The train delay added 2:30 to my time, for an official race finish time of 21:48. Because I paused my watch, Strava gave me a “moving time” of 19:18 but that’s not official at all, so my official personal best remains stuck on 20:09.

Let’s try that again, but in black.

Today’s 10K was supposed to be a fun run but after the let down yesterday mixed with the frustration about how well I actually ran I decided to disobey and go for it today. I didn’t get my 2019 goal of a sub 20:00 5K yesterday, maybe I had enough left in the tank for my other 2019 goal of a sub 40:00 10K today. It was worth a shot, and I gave it a shot. I knew right away it wasn’t going to happen, but I left it all out there anyway. Yesterday’s 5K I noticed the people around me heavy breathing but my breathing was calm until I really let go after the train. For today’s 10K my breathing elevated almost immediately. My watch ticked over to 19:50 as I passed the 5K marker, and I managed to hold the pace for another kilometre but I ran out of gas. Seven and 8K were a mess but I managed to pick it back up a bit for the final two. It was all heart because I had nothing left. I crossed the finish with an official time of 40:29. It wasn’t under 40:00, but it’s a huge new personal best by a minute. Plus, technically I ran 5K under 20 minutes twice in two days. Not a bad weekend.

2018 week twenty three

Book Read:
30. What Made Maddy Run — Kate Fagan

Kilometres Ran:
week twenty three — 50.4

To date: 1,116 KM

I read this book a while ago and put off writing about it because I wasn’t sure what to write about it and then this week happened and I’m still not quite sure what to write about it but here it is. The book tells the short life and tragic end of Madison Holleran, an all American college athlete who seemed from all appearances to have it all going for her. This week we lost two more such people. First, fashion designer Kate Spade, then the man living everyone’s dream life, Anthony Bourdain. That one for me was pretty tough. I don’t tend to get too upset when celebrities pass, but there was something about Bourdain’s passing that really hit me. He really seemed like a normal guy that also happened to have a really great life that he loved to share with other people. He, seemingly effortlessly, made the world a better place. There’s clearly more to the story than that, but I’m not sure I want to know any more. Maybe that’s why I had trouble with Fagan’s book. The book is good, but the story sucks. And the whole time I’m reading it I already know it’s not going to end well while at the same time I’m hoping that it somehow ends well. Through access to social media and private messages, and interviews with friends and family Fagan explores in detail Holleran’s downward spiral as she adjusts to college life after high school, and the pressures of elite-level college athletics. Ultimately, Holleran decides that her only escape is to end her life. How she does it, though the exact detail strike me as speculation, if true is a heavy conclusion to a too short life. If scripted it would strike me as cliché and difficult to believe. It’s not a happy book, but I believe it’s worth reading.

Resting my shinbone with a two-bridges bike ride to North Van and back. Don’t let the smile fool you I still hate bridges.

While I was away in ran just about every day and then biked or walked or both and it was great but maybe it was a bit of overkill. On the last Thursday I was away I ran and my right shin felt not quite right and later on it felt as if I had kicked something and bruised the shinbone but I couldn’t remember and I figured I would remember. On the last Friday I ran and recall as I descended Västerbron I felt the pain in my shin gradually grow. It was a very weird experience. I was about halfway through a 15 KM route, which I finished and the pain continued to grow throughout the day. I’ve had a shin splint once before. When I hurt my right knee last fall I developed a shin splint on my left, which my physiotherapist suggested was probably due to overcompensation. This was much worse. I flew home on Saturday and took the day off, ran Sunday and felt awful, so I took Monday and Tuesday off. Wednesday was Global Running Day, so of course I completely overdid it. I woke and ran 24 KM and I felt really great but my shin did not. An afternoon of stretching and massaging the sole of my foot I felt okay enough to go out and join the multi-run-clubs Global Running Day social run. I opted for the shorter (not the shortest…) route from Burrard Bridge around Science World into Vanier Park. It started not so great, as I really felt alone in a huge crowd where everyone seemed to know everyone. I said hello to a couple people I knew from Strava. Some friendlier than others, social media IRL status quo. I eavesdropped on Rob Watson and at the end of the run chatted with him and he was really friendly, which was refreshing, and I talked with a few others I recognized. I feel like I made a bit of progress towards my 2018 resolution towards more social running. However, my leg by now I was thinking about amputation. So I ran home. All in it was a 36 KM day. I took Thursday-Friday-Saturday off, went for a long bike ride on Saturday and woke this morning feeling pretty good. Rest and bike ride definitely helped. My run this morning wasn’t exceptional, but it was fine. My shin started to hurt again towards the end so I cut short and went out for an afternoon pedal instead.